Hana with the Hoes

(this is the cleaner version of this weekend's happenings. for the unrated version find Katie and beat her and then steal the video)

i've been in Hana the Past few days and it was so much fun. life hanging out with Kim and Katie is a mixture of South Park meets Futurama as i have more then likely mentioned before hand. well add to that the fact that we had nothing better to do this past weekend then act like total morons the possibilities become endless. so the road to Hana is this long and twisted road from hell but it's all nice and cool so it wasn't so bad. of course the on that's the most Haole gets sick. why is it the Haole's always get sick?? she missed most of the fun i had yelling out the window at the tourist. the album of choice for the drive was Green Day's American Idiot (how fitting no???) so yeah Kaite whinned abt being sick most of the time but refused to let us pull over so she could puke or crap or whatever so she would feel better so me and Kim just made fun of her most of the time. lucky for me i was in the back seat so all i had to do was roll up the window and i had a barf shield too. at some point in time , like the idiots we are, we decided it was ok for her to puke out the window WHILE the car was still moving if she felt the urge to purge. vomit on the car bad but hose off-able, vomit in the car = Katie walks her stupid ass back to Lahaina. but that never happened thank goodness. don't worry there is a vomit story in this trip. ok so we get there after a couple hours of Green Day and tourist yellings. i video the imprints on Kim's ass from the car seat and then we venture into the house we rented for the night. Kaite manages to take over the bed at once. it's fricking hot as hell out side and she is in bed under the blanket. . . genius at work here on this next part. . . .Kim goes to pee and because her ass is sweat encrusted from the drive of course her shorts stick to her as she tries to pull them up upon the completion of urinating. well in her infinate wisdom on things sticking to her ass she decides that opening her legs as fast as she can and as wide as she can will unstick her shorts. yeah that was the first and i believe the only casualtiy of the trip was her shorts ripping all to hell. her is a picture of her partly exposed crotch. thank heaven she was already wearing her bathing suit. (and if she wasn't i just tell myself that so i can sleep at night.)



and this is only the begining of the insanity. we are off to find this swiming opond hole thing that Kim "knows" of (yeah right never found it) and the road is all dirt and Ki'm car is not really a campus mobile but pretty close. maybe like one of the nicer campus moblies but anyway there is a hill that is kinda washed out we have to go down so like a dumbass i get out of the car to guide her around the pot holes, and what thanks do i get??? the dumb bitches drive away!!!! so this tourist guy pulls up and is all "jump on the back" but by then they stopped so i waddle my happy ass over there as they are videoing me. stupid hoes.

upon the subsequent failure to find kim's little swiming hole we go jump in the ocean at Hamoa beach and in the Wainapanapa caves and then head back to the house. now it is stupid hoe #2's turn to do something dumb. well Katie in her grandma skirt swim suit sits on the futon couch/bed i was planning on sleeping on WITHOUT dying her whiteness off. so it totally looked like she peed the couch. so there went my bed for the time being. AND the hoe wouldn't stop drinking my damn Moutain Dew!!! and they wonder what the hell i was going to do with 3 two liter bottles of dew??i knew Katie would drink it too. greedy sack of white that she is. speaking of drinks. . . . Katie's poison of choice was Jack Daniel's Wildberry Jack

and Kim's was Smirdof twisted.

since i don't drink Kim got a little creative i got these little bastards. . . .
made by Jelly Belly. Natural and Artificial flavors?!!!! WTF? have you seen the flavors on this thing?? i hope to high heaven that they are all artificially flavored!! ok so funny story abt all this. we start playing a drinking game. basically the card game war loser has to take a drink. in my case i have to eat a bean. kim tossed them all in a plastic bag and i had to grab a random one and eat it. so i agree to this like a dumbass. well this all starts out funny and all until i start seriously dry heaving from the beans. consider the fact that Kim is gone after one beer and they are drinking hards the other two hoes are starting to get trashed. so after abt 5 nasty beans i start to lose it but have the sense enough to yell at Kim so that someone has the damn video camera. so i'm all sitting at the table in the kitchen with this little trash can in hand trying to get the bean down and not heave a good one. well yeah that didn't work. i saw everythign i ate that day again. (everything after this is a super gross description of exactly what happened. if you read it and get grossed out it's your fault)
while sitting down i manage to up chuck twice at the table. thank everything good in this life that i made it into the bucket. having the feeling that it is not over i start to walk to the door bucket still in hand. Kim now has the video camera on and is dry heaving as well. by this time i'm spewing forth not only vomit but profanities for her to open the fricking door while kaite is F'ed up enough to just be content sitting at the table and continue to eat her food!!! stupid hoe. this is reason 1 she became "useless #2" Kim can't for the life of her get the door open because she is taping me puke and trying to reach behind her to unlock the handle subsequently making her "useless #1" after the door in done out smarting Kim i stand outside and can now smell my own puke causing the puking to continue. yelling at someone to get me the paper towels Katie hands me the whole roll. idiot. i have the bucket of puke in one hand and puke on the other wtf am i going to do with an entire roll of paper towels in my hand?? so i throw it back at her and instruct her to rip them off which she also does poorly, offically giving her the name "useless #2" it totally sucked! and like being there wasn't enough we talked abt it and re-enacted it for the next hour and then again the next day and it was still funny as hell.
there was the vomit story for this weekend. i told Jolley all abt this already. she had two comments "you made my day" (how it makes anyone's day to hear a vomit story is totally lost on me) and " you should of just drank" yeah that sounds like it was the better option. there are so many stories from this trip but that by far was the funniest. i'll post more later at random time more than likely. anyway this is a long ass post so i'm calling it's time of death at 1:25am.